When I visit the United States on Friday, there will be a lot of things I won’t miss about Beijing: the air pollution, traffic jams and kids taking a dump on the sidewalk, just to name a few.
But one thing I will certainly miss are the Chinglish signs. There have been days when – after failing to accomplish the simplest of tasks because of my limited Chinese – I’ve felt like swearing off chopsticks, grabbing my passport and catching the first plane out of town.
But when I look up and see a sign for dried fruit that says “fuck fruit,” suddenly the clouds part, birds chirp and all is well. (“Dry” and a colloquialism for “sex” share the same Chinese character.)
Lucky for me, China is full of these translations gone bad, or what I like to call wonderful perversions of the English language. You see them on bumper stickers (“Baby on road,” instead of “Baby on board”), on signs at lakes (Don’t swim on the ice) and on menus at restaurants (Mystery meat).
You see them at coffee shops above safety protection devices (Please do not embellish the fire extinguisher), on trash cans (unrecycle) and in restrooms (FUR MEN).
Swimming on the ice is strictly prohibited.
I remember the days when unrecycling was cool. That seems like so long ago now.
The literal translation for this is “squats shit.”
Cue some James Brown: “I’m a furrrr man, da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da!”
Rather than hire a native English speaker to translate signs or instructions, business owners often just use an online translator and go with whatever comes up, according to some of my Chinese friends. Apparently, accuracy is overrated.
Not that I’m complaining. As long as phrases like “Beware of lion” aren’t confused with “Turtle crossing,” China can keep churning out the Chinglish that colors my days.
Slightly Reworded 
One of my favorites is when you go to an ATM and instead of asking if you want a receipt, it asks if you want “advice.” Why, yes ATM, I would love some advice.
Haha, I hadn’t thought of that one, but that’s really funny!
That’s my favorite too! I always ask it to please advise me what day it will actually still have cash in the afternoon so I don’t make a trip for nothing.
There’s a website called Chinglish. It has hundreds of similar signs.
I’ve seen that website. It’s great!
I thought these were called “Engrish” signs? Seen a few of these from forwarded emails awhile back. But I think it’s a lot more fun to see them in person. 🙂 I just hope you won’t spot many of these when you visit the Philippines. 🙂
Engrish is another term used. Most of my friends just call them Chinglish signs. I went to the Philippines last year for Christmas, and didn’t any translations as bad as the ones I’ve seen in China.
Thanks for reading.
Jimmy
Makes me miss Asia! I studied there for a semester and I have to agree – the chinglish signs were both noticeable and most always hilarious!
They never fail to bring out my teenage sense of humor. Thanks for reading!
Jimmy
In plain English, this is awesome.
Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it.
Jimmy
ha ha ha, nice. Thanks for sharing this.
What is “Squats Then” supposed to mean? I’m so puzzled…
Thanks, I appreciate. I asked a Chinese friend, and he said the literal translation is something like “squats shit.”
Jimmy
Soooo funny
Thanks man.